Cabbage is in the air

June is here, which means one thing in Indiana. Cabbage. And here I sit, in my caftan, after a full day of eating cabbage stew in the mid-afternoon sun and 90 degree heat. I only wish you were hear with me, dear reader, as I gulp down this bottle of beer and do all these sit-ups I have planned.

You know, cabbage may have broken up several of my marriages (due to gas), but it has also seen me through my long-standing and chronic lower intestinal eccentricities and three of my hysterectomies.

But here's a fun fact. Do you know what else cabbage is good for? Engorged breasts!

Now, I have no children of my own -- as I am barren -- but my sister's children are like my own in that they never call, blame me for their inability to maintain loving relationships and pretend they don't know me when I take them to the mall.

Here's a "recipe" for soothing engorged breasts, for all you new mothers out there.

Ingredients: One head of fresh, Indiana cabbage.
Place cabbage leaves over your breasts, underneath your bra and leave them there till the cows come home. Also, you will smell like boiled cabbage for several days afterward.