From a reader...

Dear Hostess,
I am writing in hopes of some personal advice. Over the years, I have had my share of loves and losses. Recently while visiting our local mall (in search of some comfy new feather pillows), I saw the man of my dreams. He is a 4'2" mall walker sporting a neatly trimmed salt-and-pepper beard and wearing a black sleeveless turtleneck, camo pants, a mesh trucker hat (hey, cool!) while 'jamming' to something on his headphones (talk radio, I expect). As he breezed past me in front of my favorite scrap-booking store, I was affronted by the overwhelming scent of his Aqua Velva. I was immediately smitten. How can I get his attention?
Sincerely,
Head over heels

Dear Heels,
It's not everyday you find the mall-walking midget of your dreams. (Unless you're my dear friend Elsie, who, as we've discovered has "self esteem issues" in addition to her yeast problem.) So, congratulations. However, may I suggest caution? You see, men who "walk the mall" are known womanizers! Believe me, I've fallen for a few of this lot. (Although I admit, I've had trouble keeping up with them. One of my legs is four inches longer than the other, hence my corrective shoe.)
However, even if he is one of those "mall hounds," I suggest going for it, as you sound desperate! And the best way to a man's heart, as they say, is through either his nose or his stomach. I prefer to go the stomach route. In other words, invite him over, fill him full of booze -- and wear cotton to avoid a rash! For seductive times, I prefer a hot glass of glogg.

Glogg
1 750-milliliter bottle dry red wine
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup gin, vodka or both
1/4 cup sugar
Peel from one orange
8 inch cinnamon stick, broken
6 whole cloves
2 cardamom pods, opened
1/4 cup almonds

Stir the wine, raisins, booze and sugar together. Put all the spices in a cheesecloth bag and tie with a twisty. (I use the cheesecloth from my second husband's toupee, but that's for sentimental reasons.) Add the cheesecloth to the water and heat until simmering. Simmer for a while, about 10 minutes, but for God's sake don't boil it. Stir in the almonds just before serving it.