Another year wiser
My dear friend Janice celebrated her birthday this weekend with a lavish dinner at her place. Janice, a single woman of a certain age, would never tell you what a wonderful cook she is. (The menu included creme brulle with fresh raspberries.) What she will tell you are the details of her latest sexploits (most of which happened during the middle 70s.)
Janice -- as if you haven't already heard -- was once spotted canoodling with a famous midget at The Rainbow Room. (Hint: He looks great in a white suit.)
Now, here's the grim bit. Prior to the party, Janice broke the heart of her off-an-on boyfriend, who has the unfortunately name "Jan" and is chronically unemployed. As this was their third breakup in three months, I suppose it was inevitable that he show his true colors and go a tad berserk. You see, shortly after she ended their relationship, he tried stealing the groceries right out of her refrigerator!
Jan, have a little dignity. Please.
So, what record album do you bring to a birthday party where the hostess keeps frowning at the extra cutlet and knocking back the booze? This!
Hilarious! You can just tell by the cover what a cut-up this one's gonna be. (And if you can't tell by the wacky expression on his face, the vest is a sure give away!
Janice -- as if you haven't already heard -- was once spotted canoodling with a famous midget at The Rainbow Room. (Hint: He looks great in a white suit.)
Now, here's the grim bit. Prior to the party, Janice broke the heart of her off-an-on boyfriend, who has the unfortunately name "Jan" and is chronically unemployed. As this was their third breakup in three months, I suppose it was inevitable that he show his true colors and go a tad berserk. You see, shortly after she ended their relationship, he tried stealing the groceries right out of her refrigerator!
Jan, have a little dignity. Please.
So, what record album do you bring to a birthday party where the hostess keeps frowning at the extra cutlet and knocking back the booze? This!
Hilarious! You can just tell by the cover what a cut-up this one's gonna be. (And if you can't tell by the wacky expression on his face, the vest is a sure give away!
posted by The hostess | 4:24 PM
2 Comments:
Dear Babette,
You may want to try what my mother called a "whore's bath" -- a splash of Jean Natay under each arm and behind the knees!
When I was working down at the Tricky Drink-N-Dribble, and we had mayo and mustard wrestling (we called it "Mustardonaisse on Yo Ass") I always found that it was best to use a bit of Comet to remove the stink. Sure, it chafes a bit, but which is worse: smelling like a 5-day-old tuna sandwich or looking like you've been getting a bit of fun on the rug?
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