I've been thwarted in love again...

I have now been thrice jilted! Here's a sample of the letter my third husband sent me after he left me for that dog food model....

"Dear Gladys,
I've left you for Lois LaShay, the famous dog food model. I know what you're thinking. "How could you?" Well, it proceeded thusly...
I met Lois while working on the Dog-O account. Larry (You remember Larry Shank, right? The one with goiter?) and I were meeting with the executives at Dog-O when in walked a vision in peach organdy. I nearly spilled my Sanka! (Thanks for getting me off coffee, by the way. If there's one thing you know, it's my colon.)
I just had to ask Lois for lunch. We ate at Mahler's Pastries (43rd and B'way). I had apple pie with a chunk of yellow cheddar on top..."

At this point, the reading of the letter is usually obscured by bitter tears. So, what saved me from broken-hearted madness, you ask? Booze!
Here's a recipe for a very, very strong daiquiri I like to call "The Heartbreak Special." It was written on a place mat at Audie's Restaurant (Mackinaw City, Michigan.) And, believe me, after a few of these, the place mat wasn't the only thing I picked up! (I also picked up the tab for my husband and Lois LaShay, who were sitting across from me.)

Daiquiri (The Heartbreak Special)
Juice of 1/2 a small lime.
1 tsp. powered sugar
1 1/2 oz. light rum.
Shake with ice and strain...